Go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjO_VXHxsRw

My brother tuned me into this guy. He's the shit.

FYI:
The dead diabetic girl with negligent parents finally made the national news. The parents are being charged with second-degree reckless homicide.

I ran my first 5K this weekend! It was snowing and effing chilly, so I didn't feel bad about doing it in 32:something instead of 30:00, which was my original goal. I really enjoyed myself, so I'm thinking there are more to come...!

OK, yet another indicator of how fucked up this country is: A Hepatitis C patient in desperate need of a liver transplant was denied, and will likely die within days, because of marijuana use. The kicker? Marijuana use has no potential for causing a negative outcome regarding the transplant. And...wait for it...it was medical marijuana, prescribed by a doctor -- but evidently using this prescription is indicative of "an addictive personality."

My brother is a floor model at the Abercrombie&Fitch in the Dells. I didn't realize I had such a hawt sibling.

I'm really peeved that the media has been talking about the global food shortage with little to no coverage of the real issue here: global warming. It's the droughts that have caused the rice shortages, dammit! Droughts that were caused by global warming! *sigh*

I stockpiled rice today. Dude, I'm brown, what did you expect? The prices have doubled over the last three months.

CHALLENGE!

Because I'm getting fat (OK, because I'm getting sick of getting fat -- I've been getting fat for quite some time), I am challenging the world to find healthy recipes that I will actually eat. This will be a contest. Whoever posts the yummiest low-fat, low-calorie recipe will win a special prize that is yet to be determined.*

Also, it's probably important that I learn to eat at least a few things that are good for me. My mom's family has a history of super high cholesterol, restricted diets, and anti-cholesterol meds. It's likely the day will come when I can eat nothing but oatmeal and lettuce, so I should probably start practicing. Especially since regular exercise is unlikely to happen.

Difficulty:

• My favorite foods are cheese, alfredo sauce, ice cream, and salt. Meat -- especially of the red variety -- is also very high on the list.
• I don't like vegetables, especially the green ones. Potatoes, corn, and tomatoes, OK (in moderation). Spinach, broccoli, asparagus, artichoke hearts, green beans...eeeew. And don't even think about suggesting salad. You will lose.
  
• My cooking skillz are minimal. I can brown hamburger and boil pasta, but anything beyond basic presents a challenge. I do own a wide range of spices, though I don't really know what to do with them; my roommate left them in the cupboard when she moved out.
  
• I do not have more than 30 minutes to cook. Ever. Longer baking times are OK, though; I can grade papers while the food is in the oven.

* This prize will likely be something that will accrue value as it ages -- perhaps an autographed photocopy of my first published work. (Which is available now, the real thing, not the photocopy, from this website.)

Anxious Femininity Watch?

I was flipping through the radio stations in my car a few days ago, and almost puked up my green tea infused Canada Dry when I heard the following exchange:

Male DJ: "Yeah, ok, so the three dancers were, I guess, found with welts and bruises from being attacked by a paintball gun. The three exotic dancers were aged 28, 34 and 51. Uh..."

Female DJ: "Yeah! That's seriously like, the worst part of the story--"

Male DJ: "51 year old exotic dancer. So, is that the kind of thing where you hear that and go, "uhh....eeeh...." or, you know, "You go girl!"? "

Female DJ: (in mimicking, mocking tone) "Oh, you know, no! Cuz they're always like, 'I'm just working my way through college! I'm just working my way through college!' Please..."

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and go out on a limb and say that the worst part of the story is not the age of the dancer but that three women were just assaulted with fucking paintball guns on their bare skin. CHRIST! EILISTRAEE! I hate that we live in such a shitty society where women think all other women are potential rivals of a sort, and feel that this kind of treatment is exactly what strippers deserve--a sort of just punishment so to speak for their "slutty behavior."

I just read Candy Girl by Diablo Cody (love her!), about her stripper days in Minnesota, and gotta say I was appalled. Stripping is a HUGE ripoff for the women doing it. The clubowners are really nothing more than glorified pimps in my opinion--they're verbally abusive, the work conditions are a fucking joke, and they get a HUGE cut of the money earned by the dancers (To the point where dancers can leave and actually owe the CLUB money after working a long-ass shift). She wrote about various clubs she worked at (Skyway Lounge, Schieks, Deja Vu, Dreamgirls, as well as a stint as a peepshow "doll" at Sex World), and in every single one the dancers got the shaft, and were treated like shit by, oh, everyone. She talks about an incident at Sex World, while in her glass cubicle, a bachelorette party came in and had the following exchange in front of her:

"Oh my God oh my God, Michelle. There's a girl in there."
"No way. That's a mannequin."
"No, she's totally breathing."
"Oh my God."
"Oh my God!"
"Gross! What does she do? Do they just pay her to sit in there and read?"
"I know! I bet she's supposed to be dancing in there or something."
"She's not that pretty. God, I could do that."
"I dare you to go talk to her."
"Gross! I don't want to go near her!"

(from the book): And so forth. You're shit and I'm champagne, I thought to myself, straightening on the lip-shaped divan. I tried to shrug off the dehumanizing remarks, but girls aren't made of stone. I usually came home on Saturdays, fell into a fitful sleep of back-to-back nightmares and woke up in a blue funk. For the first time, I was losing hit points in the epic battle to maintain my dignity. Girls can be so mean.

I hate to sound even remotely reminiscient of Camille Paglia, but are we fucking ourselves, too? I've known my share of wretched bitches, let me tell ya. Makes me want to not be near anyone, male or female. :-( Thoughts?

Sorry - in case you happened to read the No Toys post from my other blog on this blog! I'm on this new Mac thing Jacob insists is the next best thing to slice bread - personally I'm thinking it's as good as the poopy diaper I changed smells. So for some odd reason the little widget tool thingy thought I wanted to post to 17 bottles and put my post there! Sorry for the mix up, I think I got it fixed and taken care of now!

I'm not trying to instigate arguments or be disrespectful so please don't be offended. I'm not Catholic, but being raised Lutheran I kind of have an idea how Catholicism works because of the constant comparisons and we also have some Catholics in the family. The whole Pope visiting DC is what got me thinking. I know Catholics believe the same 10 commandments and I know - Not Worshiping False Idols is one of them. It seems to me like the Pope is idolized. Seriously - the huge festivities and stuff for this guy?! What's the deal? I respect him and realize he's the head of their church & there's a lot of tradition behind him, but do you think the head of the Lutheran Church or Alliance (that's our 'denomination' if you call it that) visited that they would receive as much hoopla? Is the Pope the one who saves Catholics or why is his blessing or whatever he gives better then a blessing from the priest down the road? Maybe this sounds totally retarded, but I can't believe the magnitude of celebration just for him stepping foot here.

Random Rant

You know...it really scratches my balls that teen girls who are pregnant are not allowed to be in the National Honor Society...but they don't have the same rules about the dudes that knocked them up. Straight up? Right-o, Matey.

Can someone explain this to me? Erica, you're a scientist -- how is this humanly possible? At 1:51, she rests her ass ON TOP of her head.

http://toiletsigns.blogspot.com/

Hilarious.

Please go to the February 12th post and die of laughter.